tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post5248753637026166034..comments2024-03-24T21:12:27.165-07:00Comments on 100 Reasons NOT to Go to Graduate School: 69. It is lonely.100 Reasonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13655155303350793785noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-29153148848320454502021-08-03T15:03:28.729-07:002021-08-03T15:03:28.729-07:00Academia is lonely as an undergraduate. It gets a ...Academia is lonely as an undergraduate. It gets a lot worse as a phd student. It is worse still as a postdoc. And it is even worse if you somehow magically get a permanent position. A friend of mine, Stephen Gourley, killed himself because of the loneliness of academia, which was made much worse by the hysterical overreaction to the covid 19 "pandemic":<br /><br />https://www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/surrey-news/university-surrey-professor-who-struggled-20381608 Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-46964252314836041262020-01-31T18:37:30.285-08:002020-01-31T18:37:30.285-08:00WTFWTFAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-40380625921651753342015-08-22T19:37:53.894-07:002015-08-22T19:37:53.894-07:00Who gives a fat fuck about the "significant o...Who gives a fat fuck about the "significant other or spouse"? I mean really?<br /><br />I went to grad school so that I could bang hot undergrad slam-pieces and get a job where I could get 20 year old girls to suck my dick for the rest of my life in exchange for grades.<br /><br />So far I have stuck 26 undergrads, ass banged 6, and had two three ways. Grad school is awesome! You just have to know how to play the game with the students you are teaching!<br /><br /> The other day my wife asked me why I no longer ask her for blow jobs. I almost told her the I didn't need to because my dick doesn't want her when I have an unlimited quantity of fresh poon who would rather suck me off than study for a test.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-48225352013435032612014-12-22T16:53:41.867-08:002014-12-22T16:53:41.867-08:00I have the exact same situation. Weekends and brea...I have the exact same situation. Weekends and breaks are particularly unbearable. Wish we could establish a "lonely people's club" or something.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-1480092694083147612014-10-27T12:34:36.569-07:002014-10-27T12:34:36.569-07:00Gosh, I wish I could meet people like you two. I j...Gosh, I wish I could meet people like you two. I just moved to this new area for my master's program. Alas, the weekends at times are really long and lonely. It seems all young adults do is the bars and clubs...which I have no interest in. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-53161788361879597672014-08-13T11:05:10.523-07:002014-08-13T11:05:10.523-07:00Oh, God. I cram so much stuff into my head, at suc...Oh, God. I cram so much stuff into my head, at such speed, and really some of it is very interesting. But I feel guilty about every minute I'm _not_ reading, and at the same time I've quit reading for pleasure.Rosa S. Levynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-91189887666701553222014-04-12T20:06:13.543-07:002014-04-12T20:06:13.543-07:00So true! So true! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-81252591089615490392014-03-10T07:11:27.492-07:002014-03-10T07:11:27.492-07:00TRUE TRUE TRUE!!
I am an extremely extraverted pe...TRUE TRUE TRUE!!<br /><br />I am an extremely extraverted person. However, I also enjoy certain solitary pursuits, especially reading, and this trait, among others, led me to the fatally erroneous conclusion that grad school, and the much-ballyhooed "life of the mind," would suit me.<br /><br />The loneliness drove me batty. That I was cut off from both professors and undergrads as potential sources of friendship, as 100 Reasons notes, became glaringly clear to me within a few weeks. It was especially excruciating because I was approaching forty, with no girlfriend, no wife, no children. Looking back on it, I realise that people actually avoided me...what a loser they must have considered me, doing a history doctorate at that age. If I had been an independently rich gentleman scholar, that would not have been so bad, but it was quite clear that I was on the typical penurous budget. In a pathetic, false-economy attempt to have more disposable income to eat out and travel occasionally to the large cities 15 and 90 miles away, I lived in a VW van that I parked in an area resident's driveway. Miraculously, I never caught cold, but for two or three months in the wintertime, it fell considerably below 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and every night I thought I would go out of my mind.<br /><br />Equally pithy are the blog's observations about one's cohort; mine, indeed, scattered to the four winds the instant a seminar ended. Two or three times a semester, we did have gatherings at some of the more congenial professors' homes, but these were no less boring and prone to endless posturing and preening than the seminars themselves or other functions. Friendship, assuming one even wanted it with these cretins, was out of the question.<br /><br />This Reason describes me to a T. The college town where my R1 was located wasn't bad, but it wasn't as grand as it fancied itself. The coffee places mostly sucked, as they were surprisingly dirty, hot, poorly run and shabby--yet packed with undergraduates staring into their laptops. I invariably spent hours at three or four of them, desperately trying to focus on my work or upon the 65 mid-term essays I had to grade, all of which had to answer the same two examination questions. Despite my extraverted nature, and the fact that I came from a conventional white, middle-class upbringing, virtually every attempt I made to reach out and make friends failed abysmally. Nothing, indeed, to be gained by the company of grad students...I would have been far more appealing as a representative of the Manson family. Occasionally I used to go to the undergrad-type pizza and beer joint, which was pretty good, but I could never get anyone to talk to me!<br /><br />Weekends were the worst. I lived alone, of course--by my reckoning, the van's interior had about 60 disposable square feet, and the front seats were stacked with books. Quite often, between the last seminar Thursday afternoon and the first one late Monday morning, I didn't speak to anyone except perhaps a cashier at a grocery store (or coffee place).<br /><br />And as for diversity...I was the only person in my cohort who had ever worked at a real job elsewhere and had been in the military. I am certainly not a blue-collar person, but compared to this lot I was Paul Bunyan: I doubt any of them could have completed a simple rewiring or plumbing job. My prior experience in the real world and in the military was quickly turned against me, too. My academic performance, if not brilliant, was certainly solid. For one thing, I was the only person in the cohort who passed two departmental language exams within the first three weeks. Some students (or "candidates") in our department languished for years, for the usual reasons, but also, in some cases, because they could never get up to speed with a second foreign language. Despite my superficial successes, and the enormous amount of reading and I writing I did (some of which I did actually enjoy, I have to confess), the truth is that the only good thing about graduate school was QUITTING.Im Exilnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-29376718727182757252013-12-01T12:14:21.202-08:002013-12-01T12:14:21.202-08:00I'm about to finish my thesis. And I'm lon...I'm about to finish my thesis. And I'm lonely. But not because of my thesis and the demands of graduate school. I'm lonely because I don't know anyone and don't know how to go about knowing anyone. I have acquaintances in my department and outside. But they're not friends. Whether that's chemistry, the frenetic culture, or the ontology of the scholarly species, I have no idea, which is something I've found myself saying a lot in graduate school. "No, I have no bloody idea.". Seems ironic. <br /><br />The point is that, in my case, loneliness doesn't come from scholarship. I'm not some creepy dork. People who know me seem to find me not especially in need of commitment or incarceration. It's just that they know me; there's no way I've discovered to go beyond "knowing" someone (see "acquaintance") to becoming friends. We're all so atomized, silo-ized, surrounded by crowds (if you want that), but unattached, free-floating.<br /><br />I'm curious if anyone here may be interpreting this cultural phenomenon as a function of graduate school when it may have its roots elsewhere. It certain doesn't apply to everyone or even most. If you're doing field work in Guatemala, well . . .<br /><br />That's it. I love my graduate work; I don't know what else I could possibly do. Even if I don't get a job, even an adjunct niche, it's okay. I'd still do the same thing. I'm just not sure that my species of isolation and loneliness (I'm married to a wonderful human, a scholar) is a function of graduate school. As I wrote, above, I haven't the foggiest idea.Jeffrey Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10554483976716085608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-82406337404473444922013-11-06T21:30:08.202-08:002013-11-06T21:30:08.202-08:00I feel the same... I've always been reserved a...I feel the same... I've always been reserved and introverted, not even really having friends in undergrad and when I started my grad program-- I felt even more alone, disillusioned, and sub-human. I never felt like I had time to even talk online to a friend, go out for a fun day, not even felt I could have a night to sleep-- there is *always* work to be done.... :/<br /><br />Going to school for so many years in not conducive to having a healthy and functioning mind, that is for sure.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-79092274708816650442013-10-03T06:17:24.727-07:002013-10-03T06:17:24.727-07:00I completely agree with you! I was so lonely in g...I completely agree with you! I was so lonely in grad scool. I worked in a lab in a basement with animals and no windows. It was severly depressing. My favorite day of grad school was my last day of grad school. I felt so free and happy the moment I quit. I only wish I did it sooner. camar097https://www.blogger.com/profile/10203852953012554908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-73902713032643696722013-09-11T08:21:43.037-07:002013-09-11T08:21:43.037-07:00TRUE TRUE TRUE!!
I am an extremely extraverted pe...TRUE TRUE TRUE!!<br /><br />I am an extremely extraverted person. However, I also enjoy certain solitary pursuits, especially reading, and this trait, among others, led me to the fatally erroneous conclusion that grad school would suit me. <br /><br />The loneliness drove me batty. That I was cut off from both professors and undergrads as potential sources of friendship, as the Mr 100 Reasons notes, became glaringly clear to me within a few weeks. It was especially excruciating because I was approaching forty, with no girlfriend, no wife, no children. Looking back on it, I realise that people actually avoided me...what a loser they must have considered me, doing a history doctorate at that age. If I had been an independently rich gentleman scholar, that would not have been so bad, but it was quite clear that I was on the typical penurous budget.<br /><br />Equally pithy are Mr. 100 Reason's observations about one's cohort; mine, indeed, scattered to the four winds the instant a seminar ended. Two or three times a semester, we did have gatherings at some of the more congenial professors' homes, but these were no less boring and prone to endless posturing and preening than the seminars themselves or other functions. Friendship, assuming one even wanted it with these cretins, was out of the question. <br /><br />This Reason describes me to a T. The college town where my R1 was located wasn't bad, but it wasn't as grand as it fancied itself. The coffee places mostly sucked. I invariably spent hours at three or four of them, desperately trying to focus on my work or upon the 65 mid-term essays I had to grade, all of which had to answer the same two examination questions. Despite my extraverted nature, and the fact that I came from a conventional white, middle-class upbringing, virtually every attempt I made to reach out and make friends failed abysmally. Nothing, indeed, to be gained by the company of grad students...I would have been far more appealing as a representative of the Manson family. Occasionally I used to go to the undergrad-type pizza and beer joint, which was pretty good, but I could never get anyone to talk to me!<br /><br />Weekends were the worst. I lived alone, of course, and quite often, between the last seminar Thursday afternoon and the first one late Monday morning, I didn't speak to anyone except perhaps a cashier at a grocery store (or coffee place). <br /><br />And as for diversity...I was the only person in my cohort who had worked at a real job elsewhere and had been in the military. Both of those traits were quickly turned against me too. Despite my very solid performance, and the enormous amount of reading and I writing I did (some of which I did actually enjoy, I have to confess), the truth is that the only good thing about graduate school was QUITTING.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-33744717911047899772013-03-29T09:17:28.425-07:002013-03-29T09:17:28.425-07:00This sounds more like law school. And I left law s...This sounds more like law school. And I left law school for grad school in psychology. For me, I fought through the isolation because I made great friends in school and at each practicum placement. I got to do hands-on clinical work with patients and clients. The research, yes. Lonely, isolating, dreadful at times. But I also enjoyed collaboration. It's only 5 years out of a lifetime. Sure, some friends and family will not share in your struggles or have much interest. But the new friends you make in grad school also serve as a support system.<br /><br />My relationship did fall apart. But not because of grad school. Because we grew apart and we did not commit the time and energy to make it work. I would not discourage others from going to graduate school. Few people already do. Despite the inherent challenges, the rewards and the opportunities make up for it tremendously. Josh Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10396958770641189183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-67264979099893313762012-11-28T04:46:58.798-08:002012-11-28T04:46:58.798-08:00In a BMS program, first year, and it's incredi...In a BMS program, first year, and it's incredibly lonely. I have maybe an hour max of non-science human interaction a day (trying to cram conversations in between classes), but other than that it's me, my studying, lab rotations, and (in the evening) my SO. The funding situation for my department isn't that great either, so the chances of me getting put into a lab way outside of my interests/desires is very high. I'm giving it this year and then switching to a CLS program at the same school if I still feel as miserable/exhausted/unintelligent/lonely as I do now. Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-70795333096490525012012-11-27T21:33:33.041-08:002012-11-27T21:33:33.041-08:00Sadly, I relate to this way too much even as an un...Sadly, I relate to this way too much even as an undergrad STEM. My pool of old friends has dwindled over the past 3 years as people graduated / transfered, and I didn't put aside time to find more. <br /><br />Instead, I have become more and more absorbed in my major - I hang out with literally one person outside my major on occasion, and nobody inside my major because its really small and I see enough of the same few people as it is. Everyone else has outside people to hang out with, but I don't. <br /><br />Also, I know about avoiding research because thats what I'm doing now and am being pushed to publish a paper. It's really hard to motivate yourself when the only thing going on in your life is your work, and even that (classes) is already screwed up.<br /><br />At least I feel well prepared for grad school : a) build outside department social connections through a hobby of some sort. b)exercise c) along the lines of a&b aggressively guard time for yourself d)it's only worth doing it if you really love your subject and do things to prevent misery<br /><br />I am hoping that by putting myself ahead of my studies, I won't burn out like I have done as an undergrad. And it might even improve the quality of my work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-8771888181654513522012-10-29T14:43:29.674-07:002012-10-29T14:43:29.674-07:00Similar experiences here. The mere thought of &quo...Similar experiences here. The mere thought of "researching"/writing the dissertation renders me apathetic. To the point of just laying in bed all day or reading weird blogs on the Internet... All day long.<br /><br />But when I started various personal projects, I found myself spectacularly motivated, working 24/7, researching like mad, etc. And this happened not once but multiple times. The main problem is that with the dissertation/ job search hanging above my neck, I find it impossible to pursue any non-academic projects. Those of you in grad school will know the feeling. Reason 79.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-82979628912180810512012-09-20T18:27:57.639-07:002012-09-20T18:27:57.639-07:00I made some pretty good friends in grad school. N...I made some pretty good friends in grad school. Not my best friends, but good. I did meet the best girlfriend I ever had.Aaronnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-53369127112272574242012-09-20T18:24:37.142-07:002012-09-20T18:24:37.142-07:00Soo.... like almost all men? If a man dates a wom...Soo.... like almost all men? If a man dates a woman he wants sex sooner or later.Aaronnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-78471217806221288432012-09-03T14:31:04.060-07:002012-09-03T14:31:04.060-07:00Even the most "collegial" programs can b...Even the most "collegial" programs can be lonely as hell. I'm ABD now, and after trying to be friends with my fellow grad students for several years, I finally woke up and realized something: I don't like them! And I have a sneaking suspicion (confirmed, sadly, in most cases) that the ones who acted like they liked me were just using me or trying to get close enough to dig up dirt.<br /><br />So many blogs, grad students, and profs will blather on about how you'll make some of your best friends in grad school, but that has NOT been my experience. Grad school has been really lonely for me, and my best friends are still people I knew long before I started grad school. For a long time as a grad student you're working too hard to meet anyone new outside of school, so you try to make friends with your coworkers. Then you realize what it takes most people time and hard experience to learn: Coworkers are rarely if ever capable of being true friends.<br /><br />Bottom line: It's really easy to let people make you feel like you're abnormal if you have a hard time making good friends in grad school, but here's the reality: They're your coworkers, not your friends! And that's okay! Trying to force it isn't doing you any favors and in the long run it might make you lonelier, more depressed, and feeling like you're an antisocial oddball, when in reality it's probably not you at all. My two cents? Save your energy for people outside of work who can appreciate you for more than your sharp mind and hard work (and more importantly, who won't come to envy or hate you for them).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-39884354659430348822012-08-06T21:26:36.274-07:002012-08-06T21:26:36.274-07:00Let us know how that works out for you. Not saying...Let us know how that works out for you. Not saying it wont. But two universal laws of human existence are <br />(1)The best laid schemes of mice and men Go often awry,<br />And leave us nothing but grief and pain, For promised joy!<br />and <br />(2)everything takes longer than you think it willLauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-9422796686503443572012-08-06T21:14:17.697-07:002012-08-06T21:14:17.697-07:00OMG...I would totally tell them this, "if you...OMG...I would totally tell them this, "if you don't like my color, turn your eyes to another direction!"Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-54311754483661039672012-08-06T21:11:40.990-07:002012-08-06T21:11:40.990-07:00Actually...........NO!!!!!Actually...........NO!!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-89267002511613712702012-08-06T21:02:52.612-07:002012-08-06T21:02:52.612-07:00He did not say it was because of STEM. In fact her...He did not say it was because of STEM. In fact here is his first paragraph..."I don't know if it was the department, or the subject matter (mathematics), or the fact that I participated in church (both by going to church every Sunday and by participating in various activities), but I didn't feel fantastically lonely while in Graduate School."<br /><br />These things could be just as true for humanities student. They aren't because he was in a STEM program. A humanity grad student can go to church and enjoy their subject matter. He lucked up with the good department because there are bad ones in STEM as well.Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-38450767594111779202012-07-13T09:44:16.842-07:002012-07-13T09:44:16.842-07:00I am about half way finished with my MA in English...I am about half way finished with my MA in English. All I have to say is WHAT THE FUCK. Ridiculous expectations, incredibly boring topics (save for a few classes), and sitting in class listening to profs talk for HOURS about something you learned in UNDERGRAD CLASSES or even better...THE REAL WORLD. <br /><br />I am jumping through hoops to become certified for a job; however, something is seriously wrong with a graduate system... can't we just pass a test?? <br /><br />I am presently in class right now. 9 AM-1 PM. I have sat my ass in this chair for the past four hours... on PINTEREST because it is so god awful I have to take mental vacations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4276812992911002375.post-4000462553187378132012-05-03T21:50:36.387-07:002012-05-03T21:50:36.387-07:00Agreed!Agreed!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com